There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We had to coat check the pizza.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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