i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
