I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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