1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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