Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
