She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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