We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
