Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
