I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
