Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
