I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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