god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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