OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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