very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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