He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
