I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
