I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
