If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
