omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
