i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
