On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
