Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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