There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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