yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
