I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
