He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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