Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
