I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
