I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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