I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
