Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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