I got chris browned last night
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
