Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
