Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
