I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
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Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize