I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
