If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
