Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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