I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
