Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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