singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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