god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
