8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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