I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
