Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
