I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
