Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
