Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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