3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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