Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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