she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
