I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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