i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
