so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
