My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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