i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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