Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
