Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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