In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
