I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My vagina is officially offended.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
