in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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