Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
