I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
