i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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