I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
