I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
