i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
